POST-READING Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (spoilers)

"It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn’t much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband and father of three school-age children.

While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places."

    THE EGHTH STORY HAS ARRIVED AND BOY DO I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. I have a great many feelings about this book and I really don't know how to discuss them all.

    I breezed through this book in a few hours on Tuesday. This book is the script of a play in London of the same name so it doesn't take as long to read. This unfamiliar form also contributed to the scenes being hard to visualize, especially the ones with magic. We don't have JK's amazing descriptive writing to go off of.

    Speaking of which, reading this definitely confirmed my suspicions that she didn't write this book. I honestly have to say that the dialogue felt really juvenile, which isn't like JK at all, even when she's writing for and about kids.
    I'll admit, this fact heavily influenced by ability to enjoy the book. It felt like a fanfiction! Complete with typos and everything! I simply can't take the events of this book as canon. Especially because I didn't agree with the portrayal of multiple characters, most of all Harry.
    The whole problem that sparked the events of the book were the result of a rift between Albus and his father. Teenagers are known to say things they don't mean (more on that later), but Harry is an amazing father and I don't believe for a second he would say those horrible things to his son! This isn't fifth year! He's doesn't have an angsty anger management problem anymore!
    In the short pages of the epilogue in Deathly Hallows we see Harry to be wonderful father, and this is the first scene of the book! Albus is worried he'll be sorted into Slytherin. Harry tells him about Severus Snape and how he himself could have been in Slytherin (I'll say it again for the people in the back. NOT ALL SLYTHERINS ARE BAD), but he also tells him the sorting hat takes your opinion into account.  Now with this information I have two problems.

• Harry said in that epilogue (written by JK) that it would be perfectly fine if Albus was a Slytherin. Not only doe he love his son no matter what, but his son was named after one of the bravest Slytherins he ever knew. Now, does that sound like a Harry who would let the fact that his son is friends with his old enemy and in the house of the snake drive his son away from him like in this book (not written by JK)?
• Let's recall what I said about the sorting hat. It takes your opinion into account. If Albus desperately didn't want to be in Slytherin (like Harry in the first book because let's face it, it was a different time), then the sorting hat wouldn't have put him in that house.

    Let me be clear. I totally understand that being Harry Potter's son would be extremely difficult. People would stare all the time and expect you to do all the things your father did and then some. I also understand that being sorted into Slytherin would make this even harder with all the prejudices about that house. But that does not give Albus the right to a) let his frustration out on his father who didn't do anything, b) drive the rest of his family members away, or c) MEDDLE IN AFFAIRS HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.

    I appreciated that this book addressed the topic of the time turner and how it never came into play again BUT THERE'S A REASON. In the third book, we only go back in time a few hours nor do we prevent someone from dying. If I have learned anything from the season 3 finale of Once Upon a Time, it's that if someone is meant to die then they have to die. Otherwise, they will seriously screw shit up. If freaking Snow White can figure it out then so can two fourteen year olds with four years of magical training and fathers who fought in the Dark War.

    Not only does Albus ally himself with someone he knows is at odds with his father (and let's not even mention his strange crush on the evil twenty-something), he stupidly listens to the advice of a senile old man and messes with time. AND GETS HIS ADORABLE FREIND SCORPIUS INVOLVED. He goes back not once, but twice and messes up so much shit that he resurrects the Dark Lord.

    Lucky for us, we have sweet sweet Scorpius Malfoy, who is the best part of the entire book. Scorpius is the embodiment of what Slytherin can and should be and he's also an incredible friend, despite Albus' inability to maintain a relationship. I loved their friendship and I could totally imagine that portion of the book as canon. Scorpius keeps Albus in check while also empathizing with him. If anyone understands daddy issues, it's him. That whole thing about the Malfoy-Voldemort child rumor was utterly ridiculous. Come on wizards, we're better than this!

    While we're on the subject, let's talk about Draco. I thought he was the most believably written of the older generation (besides maybe Ginny in some scenes). Draco was exactly the father I pictured him as. Of course he struggles with intimacy but he learned from his father's mistakes and loves his son so much. Everything he does in this book is for his son. Hermione and Harry are worrying about so much more, and I understand that I do, but Draco was the one who beat sense into them and told them to forget about it and focus on the number one priority: getting their sons back. One of the few times I cried in this book, was Scorpius talking about the aftermath of his mom dying. We didn't know Astoria but we know Draco and Scorpius and I really felt for them in their grief.

    Speaking of grief, I have a lot of it regarding the deaths of characters from these books, so when I figured out this was going to be about bringing someone back using the time turner, I thought I might get a little closure. But I have to admit...Cedric? Really? I know he wasn't meant to die and he didn't have to (debatable) but I didn't really love Cedric in the first place. Sure he was nice, but we didn't even know him. And he died in the fourth book, so we had plenty of time to mourn him. Is that not what the beginning of Order of the Phoenix was about? I'm just saying, if we're going to bring someone back who didn't deserve to die and who would mean something to Albus....how about Regulus Black? He was also a Slytherin trapped by his family's legacy who fought against Voldemort when he was only 18.  But no, lets just leave Kreacher to his grief, Regulus in the bottom of a lake full of corpses, and never mention him again.

    Now, I don't want to just complain about the writing, I will give these guys something. They addressed a major point of these books that I've been saying for years. JK Rowling is too partial to this person to ever accurately point out their flaws, but these play guys managed it. They found a way for not just the readers but Harry to come to terms with the fact that DUMBLEDORE WAS ACTUALLY A TOOL.

If you think I have an anti-Zues rant, you don't even want to hear the entirety of the Dumbledore rant. It goes on for a while so here's a few of the reasons.

• Left Harry to grow up in an abusive household for 11 years despite that Lily's protection counter curse worked with only spending the summers at Privet Drive.
• Had suspicions about Peter Pettigrew's loyalty but allowed him to become the secret keeper anyway so they could play their part in his game.
• Knew that Sirius couldn't have betrayed James and Lily but allowed him to go to Azkaban WITHOUT A TRIAL
• Left Remus with his friends dead and believing his other friend killed them.
• Used Harry in his games without ever revealing the whole truth to him.
• Used Snape's love of Lily to manipulate him into going under cover and allowed everyone to think he was a death eater (entirely different rant).
• Kept Harry in the dark about the Order's business (while Harry was fighting depression no less) which led to Harry believing his godfather was in trouble and rushing to the ministry where hiS GODFATHER DID END UP DYING TO PROTECT HIM.
• Screwed Harry over even in death by giving him terrible parenting advice despite the fact he was never even a competent father figure let alone an actual parent!
  

    I'm sorry. That got a little out of hand. I just wanted to give the writers credit where credit is due because they addressed the problematic character of Dumbledore in a way JK never could. She romanticized him when really he wasn't all that great. I appreciate that this book embraced the fact that she wasn't really writing it even if I didn't agree with a lot of what they said.

    What I was really disappointed in was how little we actually got to see of the new generation. It was really just Albus, Draco, and Rose. And honestly, I didn't like Rose all that much. Everyone kept saying that she was such a great mix of Hermione and Ron but I feel like she got some of their worst traits and I don't think it's fair to portray her that way. Sure she was ambitious like Hermione but I didn't see her ever do anything particularly clever. She was also a little pompous, like a certain other Weasley, and more than a  little prejudiced.  

    Also, Albus might as well not even have siblings for the amount that we see James and Lily! I think that was a missed opportunity to explore the sibling bond between those three considering they were raised by Ginny, who had a huge family, and Harry, who didn't have any.

    My biggest complaint is that we didn't get to see the kids of any other characters. Even the background characters at Hogwarts didn't have last names I recognized. And where the hell was Teddy Lupin! He's Harry's godson and an  integral part of the Potter family so why was he not even mentioned? I could go on and on about all the characters who at least deserved an honorable mention even if they didn't fit in to the story *cough* Luna *cough*.

    Back to the older generation. I mentioned earlier than I did like Ginny. They alluded to her Quidditch career and her job as a Daily Prophet journalist, which I think is perfect for her. She was still her fiery self who cares whole heartedly about her children and her husband (but still reminds him how lucky he is to have her).  I absolutely loved the scene where she and Draco are arguing, both motivated by their love and worry of their children, and they have different approaches sure, but they understand each other and I loved that.

    I already talked at length about how I didn't like how Harry was written, but let's discuss the rest of the golden trio. I liked that we got to see that Romione is still going strong, but something was...off. I know Hermione is a workaholic and I loved that she is minister for magic, but I feel like she and Harry were making all the decisions without consulting their spouses, and I just don't feel that's something they would do. Ron is an integral part of the friendship and the writers made him out to be an idiot! There was no mention of his career as an Auror or his bravery. Not only is he Hermione's husband but he's Harry's best friend and he seemed like he was only there for comic relief!

    Speaking of which, none of the things that were supposed to be funny were. Harry's afraid of pigeons, really? That felt like an Arthur Weasley line, not someone who was raised in the muggle world. Honestly, it reminded me of a scene in the absolute disaster of a movie that is Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters where all the actors are just done so they sing "It's a small world". It was funny but for all the wrong reasons!!

    Now back to Cedric for a second. Are we really supposed to believe that humiliation when he's 17 would turn him into a death eater? Our sweet loving Hufflepuff lets embarrassment turn him into a murderer! That's entirely ridiculous.

    Continuing on the subject of the Diggory's, let's discuss Delphini Diggory aka Del-fight-me aka ACTUAL VOLDEMORT SPAWN. If you didn't think the mere rumor that Voldemort had a child was ridiculous, wait until you hear that it's true! Somehow, someway we're supposed to believe that at some point in Deathly Hallows Bellatrix was doing he do with You Know Who. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

    Can I make a suggestion to the authors? Maybe next time you want to write a fanfiction chronicling the adventures of existing characters many years into the future, read more than just the fourth book in the series. Everything in this is just a callback to Goblet of Fire and is lacking any semblance of information learned in other books! Not only is the whole thing about Cedric and the events of the Triwizard Tournament, but they imply that the Yule-Ball-jealousy-thing was the basis of Ron and Hermione's relationship, and they wouldn't have gotten together otherwise. And not to mention that they insinuate through the first alternate reality that Hermione wouldn't have been Minister for Magic if she wasn't with Ron, WHICH IS LUDICROUS.

   I know what you're going to say. Of course they've read the other books because they start off from the epilogue! Well they might as well have just copy and pasted that shit. All they did was change a couple of words around!

    They obviously didn't read the third one because they didn't understand  how time travel works! If Scorpius had to go back and fix their mistake, he would've had to go backwards from the second task. If he started with the first, then he would have created another alternate reality where they didn't humiliate Cedric in the first task but did in the second. I did not watch 7 seasons of Doctor Who only to suffer through this bullshit.

    To quote my Harry-Potter-loving and ingenious friend Hannah, "The interactions between the character's felt undeveloped and awkward, as if they're still stuck in their fourth year at Hogwarts. They act like they've only known each other for 3 years, when in reality it's been almost 30."  

    I just wanted this book to be good. And in some ways it was, but in too many it wasn't. I just wanted to be a pat of this world again, but I wanted it to be with the characters that I knew and loved. I'm sorry, but I didn't know these people. I also wanted to continue the wizard legacy with a new generation full of happy kids and magic! I wanted to be able to mourn the deaths from the Battle of Hogwarts, maybe get some closure. There were no cameos from loved ones, no mentions of the deceased...just weird, unbelievable plotlines that didn't make sense with how the characters were portrayed in the original books.

    I don't what you to be misconstrued about my feelings. I did enjoy some parts of the book so I don't want this to come off as purely negative. It just turned out that all my worries and fears about this book came true, which luckily I was prepared for. I've basically just decided I'm going to treat this like what it feels, like a fanfiction. I don't even treat half the stuff JK has said about the books in the past years as canon, so why would I give that privilege to this fever dream of poorly written nostalgia. I really wanted to like this book, I did. And just like everyone else, I'm disappointed, but at least I was right. So for now...

***Special thanks to my best friend Hannah, Harry Potter enthusiast, who helped me out with this review. Thanks for helping me not be a mess after finishing this book and turn my feelings into something resembling coherent thoughts. Much love~